


baby, if you love me, take me to the gas station

by Narryfavoritejiall



Series: He likes the big, bad, old men [1]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - No Zombie Apocalypse, Asshole negan, Bottom Carl Grimes, Carl hates Negan a lot, Cheating, Cigarettes, Daddy Issues, Drug Use, Give it a try, Jealous Ron Anderson, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Prostitution, Rick is only mentioned, Rough Sex, Sad Carl Grimes, Small Towns, Underage Sex, and angry too, carl and ron love eachother a lot, he's always bitter to everyone but Ron, his love, kind of because Carl is 18 in this, this fic is incredibly based on lana del rey's songs, this is really fucked up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-19
Updated: 2017-11-14
Packaged: 2018-11-02 09:05:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10941300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Narryfavoritejiall/pseuds/Narryfavoritejiall
Summary: The younger boy walked up to him with a frown and a pointing finger, "Don't ever mention his name again while we're toguether, did you hear me, asshole? Or your time of 'fucking little boys in the night' will end."Negan gave him a big smile, "All right, kid. And for the record I only fuck you in the night and you're certainly not a little boy."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> This story contains mentions of drugs, alcohol, sex, prostitution and underage, if affects you in any way do not read.
> 
> English is not my first language so feel free to correct me. Please clic on the link to know what this fic is about.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this bit:)

 

 

 

 

> * * *
> 
> * * *
> 
>  <https://youtu.be/2t7U75T58W0>

His head pounded and his eyes closed at the dimmed lights in the small room, his back clenched at the hard matress and rough cheap sheets, his tongue was dry but he kept kissing back with confused and quick movements, his body permitted the hands unbuttoning his flannel, leaving in view his pale chest and stomach, his pants and underwear were gone since they entered the dark room that smelled like old deorant and liquor. The young boy moaned softly, his weak legs parted and his heartbeat went faster, his mind didn't know if it was because of the alcohol or the rough touches he hated but at the same time made him crave more, he felt a naked body against his almost naked one, the beard of the other man grazed his chest as he welcomed the long fingers on his ass, they touched painfully, he wanted to protest but his mouth let out a puff of air when the other's dick pressed inside him, going in almost harshly. The boy groaned and gripped the sheets beside his head, glad this was going fast, his eyes burned with warm tears at the pain and pleasure in his lower body, his eyes burned with warm tears at the thought of Ron, his eyes burned at the whatever drug Negan gave that was making him feel sick but at the same time he wanted to consume it again.  _He cried,_ oh, he cried, the conscious part left on his mind allowed him to see the wrong but the other part encourage the body above him to go  _fast, hard and yeah, oh, yeah, fuck me._ He covered up his sorrys with word and actions, the only thing on his mind was to come on his stomach with the thought of his only love with dirty blond hair and tired eyes, but his mind refused and his eyes stared up at the mature face and long beard, the broad shoulders with a few tattoos, his ears admired the sound of skin against skin. He came untouched with a sigh and a trembeling abdomen and twitching legs. 

 

-

 

The soft light of the sun iluminated the room, making it look less shitty, Carl stared at the cealing, his fingers drummed against the tanned arm holding his middle, the smell of sweat and sex make him rolled his eyes, he still got the flannel on him, still wide open, he bend his legs and looked down, sighing at the red marks adorning the tender, white skin, his blue eyes looked at the clock on the wall to his right,  _12: 58._ He cursed and rolled on his side, pushing the arm holding him away carelessly, earning any move from the other body. Carl walked towards the end of the bed where his clothes laid on the brown carpet, he picked them up and threw them to a chair standing in the corner as he entered the bathroom, he looked in the mirrow and stared quickly at his red eyes and bags underneath them, he let the water run in the sink as he washed quickly the dry cum in his stomach. The boy washed his face and rinsed his mouth.

 

His back faced the bed when he got out of the bathroom, he started to put his clothes quietly when he heard a deep voice ringing inside the four walls, seeming loud, "The money is in my wallet. Take whatever you want, kid."

 

Carl ignored him and finished buttoning his flannel and jeans, he put his shoes on and picked Negan's pants, fishing the leather wallet out of the back pocket, he took 250 bucks and then threw the wallet and pants towards the man laying in the bed, looking at him with sleepy eyes and a smirk,"Not a goodbye kiss?"

 

The blue eyed boy send him a glared and walked towards him, standing beside him on the bed, he bend over to grab the box of cigarettes on the ground, he grabbed two sticks and then threw the almost empty box to the older man's chest, he started walking away.

 

Negan chuckled, "How's that little pussy boyfriend of yours? He knows about our little encounters?"

 

Carl stopped and turned around, he narrowed his eyes, "Shut the fuck up, Negan."

 

"What's his name? Um, Ron?" Negan smirked, "How's he's doin', his little dick workin' for ya?"

 

The younger boy walked up to him with a frown and a pointing finger, "Don't ever mention his name again while we're toguether, did you hear me, asshole? Or your time of 'fucking little boys in the night' will end."

 

Negan gave him a big smile, "All right, kid. And for the record I only fuck _you_  in the night and you're certainly not a little boy."

 

-

 

The air was warm on his face as he walked in the sidewalk with his arm holding the arm the was holding a cigarette, the cars and trailers passed quickly by him, moving his air, he saw a gas station a few meters, when he stepped into the grounds of it, he looked at the small foodshop, he thought about the dollars resting on his pocket, he was about to give in and enter to buy something, but decided against it when a red trailer pulled over next to him and send him a loud honk, he ran towards it and climbed the tall stairs, the boy got in with a quick thank you and shaky hands.

 

Fortunely the old man driving didn't try anything on him or only gave him a ride and expect something in return, he asked why and the man answered that he reminded him of his younger boy and he wouldn't want his boy to be alone close to the freeway and alone, Carl gave him a sad smile and look out of the window, trying to ignore the though of missing Rick and wanting his help, he wanted to hug his dad again, to talk to him, he wants him to caress the back of his neck affectionaly, he missed the kisses on his temple that he received when he was pretending to be asleep, he wanted to fall asleep on the car and be carried to his bed, he wonder and wonder, then he guide his hand inside his pocket and felt the light weight of the cigar, then he decided he should not care.

 

-

 

"Where the fuck have you been, Carl?" 

 

Carl closed the door softly, the loud question rang in his ears, he turned around and watched the older boy walked up to him with a beer on his left hand, "Hi."

 

Ron stood infront of him and held the side of his face with his free hand, "You ok, baby?"

 

Carl shook his head and leaned into the warm body, hidding his face on his neck, he hugged his middle and sighed, "'m just tired."

 

"Where were you, Carl?" The taller boy whispered, the smell of cheap beer coming out of his mouth, Carl breathed in deeply and closed his eyes, finally feeling calm in his body, "I came back from work and you were not here."

 

"I know," The blue eyed boy mumbled, "How was work?"

 

"Don't avoid the question, Carl."

 

Carl clenched hsi eyes, he was thinking about telling him a lie but remembered the careless marks all over his body, he sighed and kissed the side of his neck once before he pulled away and fished the dollars out of his back pocket, he put it in his boyfriend's hand and then held the front of his shirt with small hands, "I got money today, we can pay the rent tomo-."

 

"You were out with that creep again?" Ron asked loudly and pulled away while clenching his jaw.

 

"Ron, this is the only way," The younger boy raised his voice.

 

"No, Carl, no is not the only fucking way," The dirty blond haired boy yelled and putted the beed on the kitchen island, "I'm working to pay everything."

 

"I wanna do something too!" Carl stepped closer and crossed his arms.

 

"By spreading your legs to half of the bar?" Ron raised his arms in question.

 

Carl frowned, "You know that's not true, is only him."

 

The older boy scoffed and rested his hands on his own hips, "This is so fucked up."

 

"Our life is fucked up, your work is fucked up, our apartment is fucked up, our drugs are fucked up, our T.V is fucked up, _we're_ fucked up," The blue eyed boy breathed out, "But that what keep us toguether, remember?"

 

Ron looked away and sighed.

 

"He have a lot of money, Ron, I'm only using him, he would do everything I ask. He doesn't matter, he is not important to me.  _You_ are. You're everything to me, Ron."

 

The green eyed boy stepped closer and gripped the back of his neck, "You're mine, Carl. You're fucking mine."

 

"I know, I know," The boy whispered and nodded.

 

Ron kissed him roughly and desperately, his gripped the narrow, soft hips and guide the boy to him, Carl hugged his neck tightly and absorved the wet noises they were making, the desperate grips on eachother made his chest flutter at familiarity and love.

 

"I want to shower," Carl pulled away and took Ron's hand, walking them though the small apartment.

 

-

 

The only time his dark hair was all pulled back and his delicate features came in a better view was when he was wet and didn't care, he stayed under the warm spray of water, welcoming the falling drops on his face and the kisses on his shoulders, he moaned when the body behind him grinded againts him, his arms were raised and held the Ron's head closed to kiss his neck and let him ground his cock againts his raw ass, he felt vivid and content again, the touches and whispers of Negan were slowly starting to fade away.

 

"Did you come when you were with him?" Ron whispered brokenly in his ear after a kiss.

 

Carl's mouth trembled with emotion and his tears became one with the water, he sniffed and brought his hands down to touched the hands on his lower stomach, "I was thinking about you the whole time."

 

"Did you come?"

 

The boy nodded and turned around with red eyes and pouting lip, "I was thinking about that time you fucked me in a public bathroom, remember? I think it was in a gas station when we were on the road."

 

The older boy smiled softly and green eyes found blue, "Yeah, I remember."

 

"I was thinking at the way you look at me when I touch myself in the bedroom and I pretend I don't know you are watching me from the door," Carl whispered, making their lips touch, he guided his hand towards the erection poking his tigh sensually, "I always think about you."

 

Ron backed him agaisnt the cold wall and kissed him harshly, "Please, don't do this to yourself anymore. Stop going with him, you deserve better, let me give you better, do not denigrate yourself like this, do it for me.  _For us."_

 

Carl whispered a fake promise that sounded real inside the wet walls and in their ears, he believed himself for a second but remembered white and black beard, tanned skin and big money and,  _oh,_ he was longer gone.

 

"Fuck me in this wall to forget about him."

 

 

 

> * * *
> 
> * * *
> 
>  

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The words go unmentioned in the morning, even for Negan that can't keep on hold every word he thinks, when Carl whispers a soft and whimpery daddy and tears stream down his flustered face when they're laying in the cheap motel bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya!1!
> 
> Be patient, this chapters is slow and unexplicit, but it is just the beginning.  
> Thanks for the feedback to all the guys that commented the first chapter=) hope you keep reading.

 

 

> * * *
> 
> * * *

 

_"Hello?"_

 

_"Hey, ol' man."_

 

_"Carl? Jesus-What- are you okay?"_

_"'m just fine."_

_"Where are you, son?"_

 

_"I miss you, daddy."_

 

_"Oh, sweetheart. Please come back."_

_"Gotta go, ol' man."_

 

_"Carl- I, Please. Where are-"_

 

_"Bye, daddy. Love ya."_

 

_-_

 

His head pounded and his heart jumped a beat when the door of the apartment slammed softly and the sound of keys falling on the coffee table just outside the room echoed in the dark walls, he moved to the side of the bed that was next to the wall, he lay down softly and waiting, the harsh boots steps rumbled when the door of their room opened and closed in silence, the noises seeming more slow and quiet as the body in the dark stared from above and started taking his shoes and clothes off, he sighed and climbed the small bed carefully, Carl streched an arm towards him invitely, getting a hold of the back of his neck and bringing him close.

 

"Did I wake you, baby?" Ron whispered and rested in the sheets facing him.

"Was already awake," The boy lied and hugged they other's middle with one arm.

 

"What you thinking 'bout?" The older boy mumbled tiredly, placing a warm palm on Carl's back and rubbing up and down.

 

The blue eyed boy kissed his lips once and hide his head on his neck, "Go to sleep."

 

Ron scoffed, "I still can't get the drunk yells out of my head. I don't wanna sleep right now, baby, just rest."

 

"Work was that bad?"

 

"Nah, just same old shit," The older boy breathed out and brought him close, "But I can see you now."

 

Carl smiled a little and chuckled, "Yes, you can."

 

It wasn't weird anymore that sometimes he ended up riding Ron or sucking his dick at  _five twentyfive_ in the  _goddamn_ morning just to soothe themselves to sleep and wake up until the sun was starting to go down again and the older boy had to get up and go to the one of the few bars in the rusty town and serve drinks to cranky men that asked how Carl was and laughed with cancerous voices. It wasn't weird anymore, the time and hours didn't matter, it was just now and later. Carl got used to the turned hours and naps at random times, he got used to consume a line of white dope at 8:00 AM with someone pouncing behind him, either black and white beard or soft chin. 

 

The promises were longer gone and they both knew that.

 

-

 

His dreams had being vivid and realistic, waking up with sweat beating off his face and wondering if it actually happened just the day after, the dried tears on his cheeks elevate the emotion to the emptyness and sadness whenever he thinks of his father, the desire to grab the phone and call him was always present in the back of his mind, the desire and wantom of telling him ' _Dad, 'm okay, yeah?'_ never leaved, but his fingers twitches, same as his heart and he ignores and run back to the old body and experienced mind that is always waiting for him. 

 

_Negan._

 

It always feels so salty and sour when Carl pronounce it, it leaves him with anger and hate, the mean laughs and shameless smirks send him over the edge, making want to hit him right there and just take his wallet and leather jacket that he always seems to wear. He hate himself for not being able to stand away from him, he hates the reason he always seeks for the man, he seeks the fatherly sense and comfort, the protectiveness wave, the calloused hands and rough body, the stupid safety he feels whenever he's around, is stupid because he knows the man is anything but safe, anything but stable, maybe is just the way the other's body can cover his whole body and make him feel small, like a child, like the way Rick used to cover him and embrace him when he was feeling down and weak, maybe it was the smell of expensive cologne that smelled like wood and outdoors, and just,  _Dad._ The words go unmentioned in the morning, even for Negan that can't keep on hold every word he thinks, when Carl whispers a soft and whimpery  _ **daddy**_ and tears stream down his flustered face when they're laying in the cheap motel bed, the words go unmentioned. It's so fucked up that he has himself looking at the mirror and thinking of hazel eyes, light hair and a smile spreads on his face and his chest welcomes the warm running kindly and serene thoughts acomodating his mind.

 

It's been five days since Carl saw him, his soul felt calm without the anger and annoyance he always felt whenever they reunited, but he was feeling lonely in the sad apartment that the noises of  _sex, yells and rock n' roll_ could be heard from above, he grimaced at the beer in his mouth and missed the dirty blond that wouldn't be back till the next morning if he was lucky. His vision blurred and his tongue felt heavy and dry, fault in the weed and cheap vodka, the T.V was on mute and he could only listen to his breathing, his mind wondered like his hands did against his body, the touch feeling foreign, his chest went up fast when he rubbed and caress just were he was pulsing, the saliva on his fingers weren't enough, he stood up madly with a blocked mind and an arousal that angels could see from above.

 

The sultry thoughts invaded and invaded, his actions didn't matter anymore, the pictures on the wall gave him nause and he directed himself to the fat money and old hands.

 

> * * *
> 
> * * *
> 
>  

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Expect explicit sex the next chapter, so you are warned now.  
> take careee


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Just don't pretend like you care about what I do and where I live." 
> 
>  
> 
> "I do," Negan mumbled as he stared at the dark street, "In my own fucked up way but I do, kid." 
> 
>  
> 
> Carl's lips twitched and his hands and chest clenched, "Just give me my money and take me home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I was so not inspired (so if you have any ideas, let me know) and disconnected, but here it is the next next chapter!! That I hope you like:)
> 
> Sorry if there are mistakes, is like 3:00 AM and falling sleep lol.

 

* * *

* * *

  
_"I've been dreaming 'bout Rick."_

 

"Have you now?" 

 

"Yeah." 

 

"Why's that?," Ron asked looking for a moment at the the boy and then looking back at the empty road.

 

"Don't know," Carl said as he leaned against the door, "He looked so young in my dream like when I was little." 

 

The older boy coughed awkwardly and held the other's cold hand, "Do you _miss_  him?" 

 

Carl raised his eyebrows slightly and sighed, clenching the hand holding his softly, then he turned his head and looked at green eyes glancing at him from time to time, he breathed in an nodded, almost passing unnoticed, the boy stared at ahead of him. 

 

"Baby, I-." 

 

"I've been thinking about calling him," The blue eyed boy mumbled and ran his thumb softly on the other's flesh, he chuckled, "But it's silly, right?"

 

Ron shook his head, "No, no, you should call him, if you're dreaming about your  _dad_ , then you're thinking about him. You should call him, Carl." 

 

"Nah, I just-," The younger boy sighed, " 's to much trouble, he gets really upset when I call, I don't ca- I don't know," he shrugged.

 

The green eyed boy nodded and gave him a tight smile, lifting the other's hand to his lips and giving it a sweet peck.

 

"He just sounds so  _broken_ , Ron, never angry, he never yells at me, he just has this sad tone when he says my name and ask for me to not hang up." 

 

"Call him tonight." 

 

Carl shook his head distractedly, bitting his nails and smiled softly, "Sometimes I want to really hug him and let him cook me shitty mac 'n cheese."

 

Ron took a short breath and tap his finger in the steering wheel, "You know you're free to get out of this shithole for once in a while, right baby?" 

 

"I know." 

 

"We could go and see how're things going back in our home tow-." 

 

"No," The blue eyes boy whispered and then cleared his throat to speak more loudly, "I don't want to look at my dad and explain why I left without telling him, I don't want to feel guilt again." 

 

"At least call him," The older boy mumbled and parked outside their building, "To let him know that you're just fine, baby." 

 

" 'm just fine." 

 

-

 

The warm night breeze made his hair locks run, the windows rolled down and he breath in deep, closing his eyes, he felt the wide hand in the inside of his tigh, thumb stroking tenderly. The brown eyes sometimes glanced at him with admiration and confidence before they went back to the dusty road, the cigarette on Carl's hand was forgotten and consuming itself in the air as he let the hand caress upwards and upwards, his mind was blurry as he frowned and bite his lip, placing his hand ontop of the other's in his crotch, gripping it as encouragement to keep going.

 

The old folk playing on the radio covered up his whimpers and sighs.

 

"Jesus Christ, kid. You're killin' me," Negan grumbled and abruptly pulled over away from the street and to a desert rode.

 

"Neg- What the fuck?" The younger boy yelped when the other pulled him towards him sit on him.

 

"Don't have time for that shit," The older man mumbled as he kissed the pale neck, "Gotta go to work in an hour."

 

Carl ignored the clench of his chest at the feeling of doing it quick and without second thoughts, like the way it always was whenever they met up, but he couldn't help the hard feelings towards the man that act and say in a way that was exceptionally crude and careless, threating the boy like a quick stress relieve or a simple doll, it made his blood boil and both fist clench.

 

The older man pushed the seat back and started unzipping his jeans as Carl imitate him and with struggle took his own jeans off and underwear, while hitting Negan accidentaly, "C'mon kid, is getting dark."

 

Carl watched him pull out just his dick and lick his long fingers and brought them in between his cheek, rubbing roughly spit in his hole, " 's gonna hurt like that." 

 

Negan looked up, the lights of the street lights illuminating the profile of his face tenderly, he smiled widely -almost evilly- ,"And you won't mind." 

 

The young boy send him a harsh glance and jumped slightly when he felt Negan's penis touching his hole. The air inside the car was getting warmer and damper by the minute, his skin glistened with sweat and his hair was sticking to his forehead, Carl was about to make a remark to to turn the air conditioner on, but was cut off when the older man pushed upwards fastly but not to harsh. Carl gripped the wide shoulders and rested his forehead on his chin, his heart beating fast at the almost unnoticed pain and upcoming pleasure.

 

"You ok there, kid?" 

 

Carl shut him off with giving him a wet kiss that sounded loudly in the small space, he began to move quickly and clumsily up and down and sometimes moving his hips in circles when his legs ache; his mind never stopped running and his chest didn't stopped tightening at the guilt he felt of the pleasure and wantom Negan made him  ~~desire~~ have, his blood and system was still intoxicated with drugs and alcohol he shared with the man, the actions that were being presenting seem unreal and far away, like a dream or déjà vu. He breathed in and out softly between moans and groans.

 

"Faster," Carl whispered brokenly as their bodies moved together.

 

"Shit, you're the one leading here," Negan smirked against his mouth but effortlessly grabbed his tighs to guide him and moved his hips up to meet him.

 

_Squeak._

 

_Squeak._

 

_Fuck._

 

_Hurry up._

 

And skin against skin were the only sounds beside the noise coming out of them, it was dirty and fast -like always- Carl felt cheap and worthless at being used in this way, parked in the side of the fucking road, were the loud noise of a few cars passing right by them, covering up the noises for a little bit but the reality came back sooner and Carl  _liked it._

 

He liked that they were fucking outside of the stinky motel with stained sheets and cigarettes burns, he liked the steering wheel digging from time to time in his back, he liked the bear scraping against his soft chin and neck, but, he liked to, _loved,_ he loved the soft but not to so soft face against his own, the long and young fingers holding his hips lovingly, the opened mouth kisses being placed on his pale neck, he loved the feeling of not feeling like a rag from the dollar store with Ron, he was stuck with _no_ and  _yeah,_ with  _liked_ and  _not liked,_ he was confused and numb.

 

The young boy stared at the tanned face, _shit,_ he was so young, and that's why he sometimes wondered if Negan cared or had some kind of remorse. 

 

 _ **No.**_ Of course no.

 

He came fast and with little sighs, disconnecting for a moment, joy spreading on his body for a few seconds, but the he looked around at the wide truck with closed windows and grown up face before him, he closed his eyes again and let Negan moved him up and down to his own ways, hurt and discomfort appearing but he ignored it and the fact that he didn't ask Negan to used a condom, he let he come inside him without protesting.

 

He was so numb.

 

-

 

"You know you could stay at my place, right?" Negan turned to looked at him with only one hand in the steering wheel, " 's pretty big."

 

"No," Carl said casually while bitting his nails.

 

The older man sighed and scratched his beard, "Well, are you plannin' to stay in that shitty apartment for the rest of your shitty life?"

 

"Go fuck yourself," The blue eyed boy mumbled tiredly and shook his head.

 

" 'm being serious, Carl, you probably have rats and shit- ok, just, at least tell your pussy boyfriend to hire a fucking chinese or mexican cleaning lady- those are the best- and-," The tanned man got cut off by the boy hitting the board.

 

"How many times do I have to tell you, asshole, to not say his name?" The boy fumed and stared at him with a deep frown and red knuckles.

 

Negan look at him briefly and then chuckled with rised eyebrows, "Shit, kid, you're messed up."

 

"Pull over and drop me here," Carl tried to unlock the door.

 

"Hey, hey, hey, calm the fuck down. Jesus christ, Carl. I was just worrying about you," Negan rised his voice and moved an arm to place it in the boy's chest, "Stop this, you're gonna make me crash."

 

The pale boy pushed the arm away from his chest and crossed his arms.

 

"Holy hell, kid. You're gonna give me a whishplash," The older man sighed and found a dark corner to pull over.

 

"Just don't pretend like you care about what I do and where I live." 

 

"I do," Negan mumbled as he stared at the dark street, "In my own fucked up way but I do, kid." 

 

Carl's lips twitched and his hands and chest clenched, "Just give me my money and take me home."

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shitty smut ;-)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Can he provide to you like I can?" 
> 
> "No," He whispered, "No, he can't."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is my humble offering of a chapter, sorry for the delay, I just wasn't feeling inspired and was about to give up on this fic, but the comments made me want to keep going so thanks!! 
> 
> Remember that English isn't my first language, so any mistake is all mine and feel free to correct me.
> 
> Another announcement, if you're interested in the Marvel world —Tony Stark/Peter Parker— feel free to check my page out, got some cool works in there:)
> 
> Lastly, hope you enjoy.

* * *

* * *

_"Are you ok?"_

_Carl shook his head and leaned in backrest of the couch._

_"Sweetheart, quit the long face," Rick sat down beside him._

_"I just wanna sleep."_

_"Then do it, Carl."_

_"But, I can't," He closed his eyes, "That's the problem."_

_"Can I help in something, sweetheart?" The man asked and got closer_

_Carl looked up, he found his dad's eyes that resembled his own, he had the growing beard that Carl liked to secretly caress when the man fell sleep on the couch with a warm beer on hand and the hair that was getting longer everyday he woke up. He nodded, "Can you hold me, daddy?"_

_Rick nodded and brought him with strong arms close to his chest, until his head was resting on his shoulder._

_"Can you kiss me?"_

_He nodded again and pecked longingly the top of his head after brushing his hand on his hair daintily._

_"No —just — kiss me like you used to kiss mom," The boy whispered waiting for a response, but Rick tensed his body and Carl gripped the front of his shirt in fear of being rejected, "Daddy—"_

_Rick pulled away abruptly and pushed him away slowly, he lowered his gaze and coughed, "Go to bed, Carl. Try to have a nice sleep."_

_"Daddy, please—"_

_"Don't you ever ask me to something like that again," His dad stood up and drank the last bit of the glass that contained liquor, "Is that clear?"_

_Carl's bottom lip trembled as he nodded, passing unnoticed._

_"I said, is that clear?" Rick raised his voice._

_"Y-yes," The boy sniffed and watched his dad gave him a last glance before walking away._

_"I'm sorry, daddy."_

 

-

 

The argent lights of the sign that read,  ** _'Dinner'_** was a bright red against the dark streets, the  _R_ in it was constantly blinking and turning off. There were bugs around the light bulbs and the cars passed in a high speed, the sound of the motor and wheels echoed around the place, before leaving the dusty road deserted again. He was holding a cigarette with his hand, it was mostly untouched, consuming itself slowly with the cold wind. The boy was looking down at his shoes and his back was resting against the brick wall. The loud music sounded from the old junk box that his boss Simon kept around and the laughs of the few people inside restaurant were low.

 

His head hurt like his chest was aching and his legs were about to give up. The lack of sleep made his eyes close for a few seconds until he was nodding off into the air, the ashes the sometimes fell on his hand was enough to wake him up completely.

 

_"Break's over, boy. Get you ass back inside."_

 

Carl rolled his eyes and didn't turn around, he stepped on the cigarette. The wind created goosebumps on his back and it made him regret not bringing a jacket with him like Ron said.

 

"I said break is over—"

 

"I heard, boss," The blue eyed boy said harshly and pushed past him to open the glass door.

 

"Table six is complaining 'bout somethin'," Simon smirked and patted the small of his back, "You go take care of that."

 

Carl nodded, wiping his hands on his jeans and starting to walk away, but a hand on his arm stopped him abruptly, he turned around and stared into brown eyes, " _What?_ " He hissed slightly.

 

"I wanna see you after you shift ends tonight," The older man looked at him up and down, "In my office." 

 

"I don't wanna do anythin'  _tonight,_ Simon," Carl looked down.

 

Simon tilted his head, placing a finger on his chin and lifting his face up, "Don't you wanna make it up for the three times that  _you_ were late for work, boy?" 

 

The younger boy pushed his hand away, "Negan's going to be pissed."

 

Simon laughed throatily and shook his head, "Is not like he's the only one you're fuckin', boy."

 

"You're his friend," Carl grimaced and pushed the other away when he was about to touch him again, "Simon,  _stop._ You're drunk."

 

"Yeah, but, friends share —  _Am I right?_ " The man shrugged.

 

Carl shook his head and turned around to walk away, "Discount whatever you want from my paycheck," He mumbled, " _Asshole._ "

 

After he delivered the food and drinks to the few people in the place, he waited in the back, biting his nails and listening to cooks talk about nonsense until his shift was over and it felt like and eternity until he could drop apron around his waist and walk outside to wait for the old car to appear down the rusty road. Carl ignored Simon's yells when he leaved the restaurant and slammed the door shut until the family in the corner stared at him longingly.

 

The night is getting colder and the moon was reflecting in the puddle of water by the sidewalk. His backpack was resting heavily as the familiar car became clear by the end of the streets, the only noise was dilapidated tires and the rusty metal of the doors.

 

Carl smiled small, stepping aside when the car parked slowly infront of him, he mumbled, "You came."

 

"Of course I did," Ron raised his arm and stretched over the seat to open the passenger seat, "I got out early of the bar —Hope in, baby." 

 

Carl kissed the boy breathlessly, pecking all over his face and neck, grabbing the long hairs in the back of his neck and swallowing the chuckled against his lips, "Let's go home."

 

"Don't leave me with blue balls now," The other smirked playfully and ruffled his hair, trying to pull him closer.

 

"Stop," The blue eyed boy pulled away, putting his feet up in the dashboard, his hand patting his own hands calmly, he mumbled, "Don't you see is already a mess?".

 

"I like it," Ron started started the car, "Easy to pull in bed."

 

Carl grinned widely and slapped his arm, "You're not getting anythin' tonight if you don't take me to eat first."

 

Ron frowned and gasped dramatically, "Are you fuckin' threatening me? —Huh, Grimes?"

 

" _I am_." 

 

"Well, let's take the little brat somewhere to eat, then," The green eyed boy smiled and pulled Carl close by the shoulders.

 

They didn't talk while the car moved on the rusty street, the only noise was the air slipping through the opened window and radio playing the country that Carl liked, he caressed the hand that was resting on his thigh. He stares at the side of Ron's face —Just for the mere intention of ignoring his phone ringing in his backpack; it was  _10:32_ PM and he knew whol called late at night. Carl clenched his eyes,  _god,_ he ignored painfully, even if he was dying to hear the drunk voice on his ear and burlesque laugh.

 

Carl saw Negan early that day, when he was waiting just in front of the bus stop, a loud, familiar honk was heard and when he turned around he found the black truck parking slowly and Negan's wide smile. He refused at first, crossed his arms and turned his head as a — _fuck off—_ but, when the other wasn't leaving and Carl muttered that he wasn't  _working_ at that time, Negan rolled his eyes and the —"C'mon, kid. Get in, Simon's restaurant is on my way. I ain't looking for anything in return."

 

Carl narrowed his eyes when he stared at the brown eyes and for the first time he saw honesty and calmness. He felt abashed and uneasy when he climbed into the truck and saw the man drive away in a very dangerous speed, the air entering the windows made his hair fall all over his face and Negan laughed loudly when the boy gave him a sharp look and rolled his window up.

 

"Lighten up, kid," He had said quietly.

 

The younger boy half expected to feel Negan's hand traveling up his leg in the middle of the drive, he expected him to park into a dark corner and make Carl do the things too that he  _hates_ to admit or even think that he likes doing them; hell, he even expected the man to make him skip work only to book a room in a shitty motel even of they were not going to do anything, just for the mere purpose to bust Carl's ball

 

 _But,_ what? —Carl blinked when Negan parked outside the small restaurant with a sighed and stretched over to open his door. He almost punched himself for a smiling back  _just_ a little when the man gave him a grinand he almost punched himself when Negan grinned wider and motioned with his head to the restaurant.

 

The 'thank you' that leaved Carl's mouth felt unfamiliar to his own ears as he watched and got covered in dust when Negan drove away carelessly with a last honk.

 

-

 

"Fuck — _shit—_ I'm —  _There!_ " 

 

The street lights and moon light entered through the small window that was beside of their heads, the lamp in the nightstand was forgotten when they entered the apartment lost in desire, the clothes were left scattered everywhere and they barely got to the room when Carl dropped to his knees and did what he knew best, he enjoyed the soft hand pressing at the back of his head, guiding and pushing him as he sucked Ron's cock, he  _loved_ the finger caressing the side of his face with such a gentleness that he only felt when he was with Ron. 

 

In order to avoid the betraying thoughts of his mind wondering back to Negan, he pushed his boyfriend in the bed and ride him as if there was no tomorrow, the desperation, the impotence that he felt when Ron held his hips and he didn't feel the calloused finger tips and the bites on his neck, the fucking guilt and iniquity that invaded his chest and it made him cry tears that got confused of being caused by pain and pleasure. 

 

He kissed wetly and messily the other boy's lips, sighing and whimpering against them as he craved something else —He craved the rough touches and coarse words, the bites and careless licks, but...  _Christ,_ he loved  _so_ much Ron's ways and contrivances, but when he was feeling that internal pain and self-pity, he didn't want the gentleness and kindness, he awaited for the man that could make him mad in two seconds but that could make him fall apart too. 

 

Carl encouraged Ron to go stronger and faster, to go harder and careless, but it wasn't enough —It was  _never_ enough. So, he settled in welcoming the kisses on his neck and the grip on his hips as he came with an exhaled and licked inside his boyfriend's mouth to ignore the failing of thinking about the other man the whole time. 

 

He cried softly and Ron held him close to his chest and whispered the sweet nothings that made Carl grip the sheets harder.

 

 -

 

It was early when he woke up and the bed was cold and empty, the note in the pillow next to him made him smile lazily at the messy writing. Ron was at work already and he had the day off at Simon's restaurant, he tried to distract himself and go for a walk, the box of cigarettes was heavy on his back pocket. He avoided the street that lead to the bar and he watched the kids playing in the park of the town with a small smile, but he turned around abruptly when the yell of a dad reminded him of Rick. 

 

Carl blamed his desperation and apathy when he finally called back the number that was on his screen several times. He bit his nails nervously when the voice in the other side was dry and cold. 

 

Even when the sun was shining bright, the air blew around him coldly when Negan arrived im another truck —He  _still_ didn't fucking knew what the man did for a leaving, but the quiet words that sometimes spread around town were questioning when people asked and affirmed constantly that Negan was one of the bad guys and made dirty money; all of those assumptions, at times, Carl sometimes believed them, mostly when Negan drove around several, decent cars and carried a fat wallet. Because,  _no one_ in that damn town could be that prosperous, not when the only biggest business was to feed cows and sell seeds. 

 

He chose to ignore that too.

 

The car ride was silent and he almost felt disappointed when the man didn't held the inside of his thigh or gripped his crotch, instead he was looking with a frown at the road, holding the steering wheel strongly in changing the gear carelessly. 

 

The scent of liquor and old cigarettes was prominent in the air, it became almost unbearable when the man closed the windows and lit a joint of marijuana inside, handing it to Carl without looking at him. The burn on his lungs was delicious and he closed his eyes when Negan turned around suddenly and parked in the familiar parking lot of the  _Blue Swallow Motel: No Vacancy —_ The ' _no_ ' was turned off, so Negan booked a room and the old lady behind the desk looked at Carl with worried eyes when Negan handed her the money drunkenly and then dragged him out of the small room by the back of his shirt.

 

"What's your deal?" Carl asked once they were in the desolated hallway.

 

Negan ignored him and continuing humming a song.

 

"Negan," He sighed and shook his arm, huffing when he didn't get an answer, "What's your —Negan!" 

 

"What do you want, kid?" The man looked at him with a bored expression, "You're giving me a fuckin' headache, I swear to God."

 

"What's your deal?" Carl repeated with a frown on his brow, "I ain't asking again."

 

Negan chuckled sarcastically, flicking the lit joint down the balcony, "How 'bout that?" 

 

"Negan—" 

 

"Alright, alright. Don't need to get your panties in a twist, baby."

 

The boy glared at him longingly.

 

"If you don't wanna do anythin' you shouldn't have brought me here, then," Carl rolled his eyes and then stopped his feet when the other held his arm, he turned around and was expecting to see damn and angry brown eyes, but he stared suddenly at _unexplainable_ serene expression on Negan's face; he gulped quietly.

 

"Why the fuck weren't you answering your phone, boy?"

 

Carl scoffed and started walking again, "I didn't know it was my obligation."

 

"Hey, smartass," Negan stopped his steps, " _Hey—_ " He pulled at the Carl's arm roughly, "Don't fuckin' walk away from me, Carl." 

 

"Get off!" The blue eyed boy pushed him away and held his own arm to his chest. 

 

"Answer my question." 

 

 Carl looked down and a sickening feeling came and rested in the pit of his stomach when he stared at Negan's eyes filled with madness and anger, a rasp in his voice that only appeared when he has being screaming to much was present when he talked to Carl. 

 

"Answer my question,  _goddamnit!_ " Negan punched the wall beside them. 

 

The boy flinched and backed away slowly, the wet burn in his eyes threatened to come out, "Negan, I —stop it— You're drunk," he mumbled and clenched his eyes when the other came closer and took a tight grip on both side of his arms.

 

"Then, answer my question," The man smirked darkly, "You were out with your pussy boyfriend?" 

 

Carl frowned and his bottom lip trembled as he pushed and punched roughly at Negan's chest, he gave the first wet whimper, "Fuck you." 

 

 "Hey!" Negan yelled and then laughed when Carl stopped abruptly and looked up at him slowly, dark hair covering blue eyes slightly, "Just answer the damn question, kid. What so difficult about that?" 

 

" _Yes._ I was with him. Happy?" The boy said in between gritted teeth.

 

"Sure I am," The man smiled slightly, "Now —Answer this: does he make you feel like I do?" 

 

Carl tried to give him the most hateful, emotionless and scariest expression when he didn't look away, but the tear that rolled down on his cheek betrayed him, he sniffed and closed his mouth tight.

 

"Huh, baby?" Negan raised his eyebrows, he leaned closer until his lips were pressed against Carl's ear and he shuddered at the warm breath damping his skin, "Does he make you yell like if do?" A kiss was placed, "Does he make you moan like I do?" Another kiss, "Can he make you come as fast as I can?" Then a slow lick, "Can he _provide_  to you like I can?" 

 

"Shut up," Carl hissed and clenched his eyes, his body felt unavailable to move so he stood still and let the other lick and kiss his ear, jaw and neck. 

 

"Just answer me, kid," The man mumbled, "Not so difficult." 

 

He shook his head slowly, clenching his mouth to  _try_ and avoid the whimper and sigh that slipped from his mouth.

 

" _Answer me,_ " Negan muttered darkly against his ear and pulled at his arm strongly, that made Cark sober up and open his eyes. 

 

" _No_ ," He whispered, "No, he doesn't."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn, the first time that y'all gonna see little Carl all vulnerable and shit. Thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know if you want me to continue, more Negan and Carlin the next part of the series, this was just the intro.
> 
> take care xx
> 
> leave kudos!!


End file.
